Author Topic: I guess I'm feeling brave.  (Read 2047 times)

Offline somegravity

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I guess I'm feeling brave.
« on: March 14, 2008, 07:19:09 AM »
It's 1:10 in the morning and I have been reading through the boards.  I enjoyed reading everyone's poems and songs and for some reason got a little itch to share one of mine.  (words in red written for Adam and the band)  I hope you like it.  



No one said it would be easy

I'm playing by "the rules"
and raising this girl who's trapped in me
I'm staring down the future
just trying to see what i can see

and my eyes keep leaking water
because they don't understand
why every time they just need to rest
everythings changed when they open again

baby tell me how you know every word to my song
are you scared just like me that you'll never belong
the inside of me in your voice sings so strong
it rocks over me and through me
til all wrong is gone

and that dead in your eye
well I've got some of that too
most the time it stays hiding
but today it didn't want to


sometimes there's just nothing that anyone can do
and sometimes just getting through it
is what turns you into you

this time I'm wading through it
no matter how shitty it turns out to be
I just got up and started speaking
I won't lay down so easily

because now I know people who see me
and they prop me back up when I take a hit
so on days like today when it all hurts so bad
I can say fuck you to all this sick shit.

The part of me who's grown up now
wanted me to come back and say
that the previous poem is anger
but I know I'll be ok.

It is God who'll get me through this
I just had to let off some steam
because when baby girl stared into her future
none of this was a part of her dream.
Jann

"I have waited for tomorrow from December till today
and I have started loving sorrow along the way"



http://www.myspace.com/somegravity

Offline ossobear

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I guess I'm feeling brave.
« Reply #1 on: March 14, 2008, 10:19:00 AM »
That's a beautiful poem
Crows Town Moderator

Offline dutchieblue

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I guess I'm feeling brave.
« Reply #2 on: March 14, 2008, 10:32:15 AM »
Yes i like it too especially the part in red.

Offline Simon

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I guess I'm feeling brave.
« Reply #3 on: March 14, 2008, 11:01:53 AM »
Very good. Thanks for sharing

Offline Nicolas

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I guess I'm feeling brave.
« Reply #4 on: March 14, 2008, 07:28:19 PM »
beautiful...

Offline somegravity

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I guess I'm feeling brave.
« Reply #5 on: March 14, 2008, 09:58:04 PM »
thanks everyone,  I like it around here.
Jann

"I have waited for tomorrow from December till today
and I have started loving sorrow along the way"



http://www.myspace.com/somegravity

Offline checker806

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I guess I'm feeling brave.
« Reply #6 on: March 15, 2008, 01:10:14 AM »
Awesome...
Did you think that you were dreamin...I said "no"
Did you think that you were dreamin...I said "no"
I didnt think that I was dreamin...Sometimes I dont know...

Houston, TX 9-7-06 "Round Here" alts...

Offline spenny

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I guess I'm feeling brave.
« Reply #7 on: March 15, 2008, 01:26:46 AM »
That was a well done poem, man.

this time I'm wading through it
no matter how shitty it turns out to be
I just got up and started speaking
I won't lay down so easily

because now I know people who see me
and they prop me back up when I take a hit
so on days like today when it all hurts so bad
I can say fuck you to all this sick shit.

These two stanzas take me out of the poem a little bit. The rest of the poem is more subtle which works very well for me. Those two stanzas, where they're direct and moreso to the point, it's contrasts to the rest of the poem and it affected the flow for me a little bit.

All in all this was a good piece of work man, I can't wait to read some more of what you wrote.

Offline Nicolas

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I guess I'm feeling brave.
« Reply #8 on: March 15, 2008, 01:47:02 AM »
Quote from: spenny;14619
That was a well done poem, man.

this time I'm wading through it
no matter how shitty it turns out to be
I just got up and started speaking
I won't lay down so easily

because now I know people who see me
and they prop me back up when I take a hit
so on days like today when it all hurts so bad
I can say fuck you to all this sick shit.

These two stanzas take me out of the poem a little bit. The rest of the poem is more subtle which works very well for me. Those two stanzas, where they're direct and moreso to the point, it's contrasts to the rest of the poem and it affected the flow for me a little bit.

All in all this was a good piece of work man, I can't wait to read some more of what you wrote.


spenny, somegravity is a she

Offline spenny

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I guess I'm feeling brave.
« Reply #9 on: March 15, 2008, 01:52:59 AM »
Ah, well you learn a little more every day.
I'm going for the reflex defense and claim that I was using a non-specific form of the adjective 'man'. As in "Man, these chips are AWESOME."
...*cough*...

Offline somegravity

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I guess I'm feeling brave.
« Reply #10 on: March 15, 2008, 06:29:20 AM »
Quote from: spenny;14619


These two stanzas take me out of the poem a little bit. The rest of the poem is more subtle which works very well for me. Those two stanzas, where they're direct and moreso to the point, it's contrasts to the rest of the poem and it affected the flow for me a little bit.

All in all this was a good piece of work man, I can't wait to read some more of what you wrote.


Spenny, I totally get what you are saying.  It does pull you out in a way.  BUT usually in time of crisis I "check out".  So this is me...staying "in" the situation and "wading through it" so to speak.  contrasting to the way I usually am.  :) if that makes any sense.
Jann

"I have waited for tomorrow from December till today
and I have started loving sorrow along the way"



http://www.myspace.com/somegravity

Offline spenny

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I guess I'm feeling brave.
« Reply #11 on: March 15, 2008, 03:08:06 PM »
Actually, that is pretty damn cool.

 

anything