Author Topic: 5 star weekend.....  (Read 351 times)

Offline cfmwh

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5 star weekend.....
« on: June 11, 2007, 11:30:26 AM »
1 star hangover *

No pain. No real feeling of illness. Your sleep last night was a
 mere disco nap which is giving you a whole lot of misplaced
energy.

Be glad that you are able to function relatively well. However, you
are still parched. You can drink 10 bottles of water and still feel
this way.

EVEN vegetarians are craving a Cheeseburger and a side of fries.


2 star hangover **

Slight headache.

Don't feel sick, but something is definitely amiss. You may look
okay but you have the attention span and mental capacity of a
stapler. The coffee you chug to try and remain focused is only
exacerbating your rumbling gut, which is craving a full English
breakfast. Last night has wreaked havoc on your bowels and even
though you have a nice demeanour about the office, you are
costing your employer valuable money because all you really can handle is
aimlessly surfing the net and writing junk e-mails.


 3 star hangover ***

Definite headache.

Stomach feels crappy.

You are definitely a space cadet and so not productive. Anytime a
girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the
random gin shots you did with your alcoholic friends after the bouncer
kicked you out at 1:45 a.m.

Life would be better right now if you were in your bed with a dozen
doughnuts and a litre of coke watching Good Morning with Richard
and Judy. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 2 Sausage
Rolls and a litre of diet coke - yet you haven't peed once.


4 star hangover ****

Your head is throbbing and you can't speak too quickly or else you
might vom.

You have lost the will to live.

Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given
you a lecture for reeking of booze.

You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you missed
an oh-so crucial spot shaving, (girls, it looks like you put your
make-up on while riding the bumper cars), your teeth have
sweaters, your eyes look like one big vein and your hair style makes you look
like a reject from the class picture of Moss side secondary school
circa 1976.

You would give a weeks pay for one the following
1. Home time
2. A duvet and somewhere to be alone.
3. a time machine so you could go back
and NOT have gone out the night before.


5 star hangover, aka Dante's 4th Circle of Hell *****

You have a second heartbeat in your head which is actually
scaring the employee who sits next to you.

Death seems pretty good right now.

You can't focus as your eyes are scrunched up against the
overpowering glare from your computer screen

Rancid vodka vapour is seeping out of every pore, staining your
shirt and making you dizzy.

You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth, at
least you think it's toothpaste crust. You don't give a damn either
way.

Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva and your tongue is
suffocating you.

You'd cry but that would take the last of the moisture left in your
body.

Talking is not an option.

Your boss doesn't even get mad at you and your co-workers think
that your dog just died because you look so pathetic. You should have
called in sick because all you can manage to do is breathe....very
gently.

 

anything